Yes, your right. I skipped the Harambee massacre completely! I wanted to ensure it was TLDR but that would have been disastrous.

In 2015, you move into monkey Cleveland steamer territory. Monkeys are real fans of all things poop so you name it mon-scat-to (pulling some of the weed/fertilizer business by confused farmers), but you still keep it a mail order business for a short while. Then, you convert to digital and rename it Turdflix.

That was a close one. Good call. 🤙

TLDR: build a time machine and invest everything you can into Microsoft in 1993. Then, start a first rate dildo mail order service. Call it Dil-post. By the 2000’s you’ll be perfectly positioned to take the place of Amazon, but your sights are higher. You will start sending free DVDs of gorilla bdsm with every dildo order. This takes off and you start your own gorilla DVD vending machine side business. It’ll be called Go-spank. When 2008 crash hits, you are completely isolated in your tower of dildo/gorilla money. Fast forward to 2026, you can now afford 32gb of the DDR you seek. Cha-ching brother, you made it.